A Good Day

Today I am excited to say I did not eat between meals.  I ate my breakfast, my lunch and my evening meal and nothing in between.  This is a massive achievement for me as it is not my normal routine.  Normally I graze all day and eat three full meals as well.  Let's hope I can continue this way.

The Biggest Step

Tonight I attended a meeting of Overeater's Anonymous.  I was terrified - I cried when I walked in and couldn't stop shaking.  I couldn't have been made to feel more welcome - I was hugged and told it was ok.

I sat in the meeting and listened to other people share my story.  An amazing experience to know that there are other people who are the same as me.

I thought I would be met with a room full of excessively over weight people but to be honest there were all shapes and sizes.  Some have been doing the programme for many many years - some only 1 year - some like me were newcomers.  Everyone was made to feel welcome and at one point something was read out and the only words I can remember were "Welcome Home".  That really touched me because I feel I have found a new home.

Let us love you until you can learn to love yourself was something else said to me.

Take one day at a time.

You will discover your own triggers and you will discover what you can abstain from.

Right now my brain is buzzing with so much information that I can't form a straight thought.  My husband wanted to talk when I came home and I had to say I can't talk now I need to think on it for a while.

Step Two

After I posted yesterday I got in touch with a contact from my local Over Eater's Anonymous.  They have a meeting near me on a Sunday so I am going to go to that one and see how I fit in.  I've also joined a couple of Facebook groups to try and see how things work.  I need to sit down and talk about it with my other half as last time I mentioned it he seemed a bit perturbed anyway I will see what he thinks now.

Today has been good in one way in that I have been testing my blood sugars and correcting them when they are high.  On the other hand it has been bad as I ate a full bag of sweets at work and four cupcakes when I got home.  On the good side again though I walked to school and back home again to pick my son up after his hockey club this afternoon.  Normally I get the bus there and walk back with him.  I allowed myself plenty of time so I could sit in the school playground for a while to recuperate before walking back again and although getting a bit cold I was really pleased with myself.

Looking back over this I suppose I can count today as a good day as the food side of things is pretty normal for me so I had a normal food day but tested my blood sugars and did some exercise.

Step One

The first step on my journey is to admit I have a problem.  I overeat.  It's as simple as that.  I have a massive problem with food.  I binge eat when I am alone.  I binge eat when I am sad, tired, bored - you name it I deal with it by eating.

I am diabetic, have depression and anxiety, suffer with migraines, am in pain when I walk and tired so much that I sleep my life away.

I want to make a change.  I want to take small steps to change my life and starting this blog/journal is my first step.

I am seeing a psychologist and he suggested starting a journal.  I am not a big writer but I can type and I feel this will be the best outlet for me.

I had an appointment with my psychologist today and have another in three weeks.  One of the things I want to try and do before my next appointment is try and attend at least two meetings of Overeater's Anonymous.  I don't know what this group does and to be honest it scares me silly to think of walking into a room full of strangers but maybe they can help me where others have been unable to.

My goal at the moment is not to lose weight but to address my problem with food.